Body Cavity Search

Why is it that kids like to stick stuff into their own body cavities? As a child, my mom had to take me to the doctor at least twice for this very reason.  One time I stuck paper deep into my ear, and another time I stuck a raw pinto bean up my nose. Guess what happens when you stick a raw pinto bean into a warm, wet area? It cooks, and swells!  Mom was not too pleased to have to schlep me to the doctor’s office to have these items removed.

But the Gods of Karma (are there Gods of Karma, or is it just plain karma?) smiled down upon me and blessed me with two sons. When my first son was about four, as I was saying goodnight to him he nonchalantly informed me that he had a rock up his nose.  “You do?” I asked, my eyes wide with horror. “Nah, I’m just kidding,” he replied. OK, whatever. The next morning I went in to wake him up, and shortly after sitting up, he sneezed. And sitting there on the comforter was of course, a snotty rock. “You really DID have a rock up your nose!” I said, laughing. “Yeah.” I gave him the lecture about not putting stuff in your nose, ears, etc, and that was that. We didn’t have any more incidents with him after that.

Enter my youngest son. One night, when he was about 5, he was taking a bath. I suddenly hear crying from the bathroom and rush in and ask what’s wrong. He pointed over to the tub spout, and I’m like “What?” He said, “That thing is in me.” I looked at the tub spout again and realized what he was talking about. The little knob that you pull up to start the shower was missing:

Tub Spout

“It’s stuck WHERE?” I asked frantically.

“In my butt,” he replied, obviously embarrassed.

Oh. God. Trying not to panic, I had him bend over to see if I could see it sticking out or something. No such luck.  I even ventured a pinkie in there, but no go. I was wondering how in the hell I was going to get it out. Tweezers? No, too sharp. I had him try to push like he was pooping, but again, no luck.

I remained calm and went downstairs to tell my husband (where I promptly freaked out), and he said that I should probably take him to urgent care. But of course by this time all of the urgent care places had closed, so we had to go to the ER. On the way, I asked my son if he had stuck it up there himself. He said no, that he had just backed up against the tub spout and sat on it, and the knob came off in his butt. Hmmmmmm. Try explaining that to an ER nurse. 

Of course, everyone at the hospital was very nice and said it happens all the time (not tub spout knobs of course, that was a first for them, just items in general). The pediatrician tried to get it out manually, but couldn’t feel anything, so they did an x-ray, only to discover that it was WAY up there. Apparently my son had tried to fish it out himself, and in doing so had pushed it up even farther.

Finally, after a consultation with the gastroenterologist, they sent us home with Miralax and one of those toilet hat things to catch his poop in.

Do not use as a real hat

Do not use as a real hat

It took two days, but the knob finally passed, all by itself, clean as a whistle.

That knob is now glued on instead of just screwed on. And I monitored his bath time for a while after that.

So Internets, please tell me I’m not the only parent who’s gone through this. Tell me what YOUR kids have stuck inside their body cavities just for shits and grins.

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17 Comments

  1. Posted May 27, 2009 at 4:34 pm | Permalink

    That is one of the most hilarious but horrific things EVER!

  2. Posted May 27, 2009 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    I LOVE this post!!! My son hasn’t stuck anything in any oriface yet, but my little brother once tore the stem off a foam pumpkin and stuck it up his nose. The Dr. had to blow in his mouth so that it would fly out. About a week later, he stuck a Tic Tac in his ear. Must be a boy thing!

  3. Posted May 28, 2009 at 1:45 pm | Permalink

    Dude. This made my day. Thank you.

  4. Posted May 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm | Permalink

    Oh mah holy hell. My husband swallowed a nail. 😉

    Um. BTW, It was just a couple of weeks ago. He’s 53.

  5. Posted May 31, 2009 at 10:38 pm | Permalink

    Hmmm…
    My kids are 19, 18, and 14 … and we never had anything stuck up body cavities. We did have a few broken bones, sprains and a lot of stitches along the way.

  6. Posted June 1, 2009 at 4:48 am | Permalink

    I’m in for a double dose: a 3 year old boy (the 8 and 13 year olds have outgrown this behavior), and I’m in nursing school (with the intention of being one of those nurses who tells people it happens all the time)
    What am I thinking?

  7. Posted June 1, 2009 at 1:25 pm | Permalink

    hilarious and gross.
    i knew a girl when i was a kid who lost a ring in her vagina. (itchy? who knows) and also a boy who crammed an entire serving of peas up his nose.
    i’m knocking on wood about my four short people.

  8. Pamela from the dayton time
    Posted June 3, 2009 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    email me for a bread recipe
    thedaytontime at gmail dotcom

  9. Posted June 4, 2009 at 2:17 pm | Permalink

    Holy hell! One more reason not to have kids! The worst I ever did was eat a live waterbug on a dare. Well, I ate horsepoo once too. Props to you and the other moms who have to endure all this stuff!

  10. Posted June 4, 2009 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

    I’m laughing my butt off and trying not to wake anyone up. That was hilarious! Luckily, my 3 kids never put things in their body cavities that I know of, but… when I was 4 or 5, I put a small twig up my nose that required a doctor visit. Smart thinking to glue things down!!

  11. Posted June 16, 2009 at 10:45 pm | Permalink

    My oldest daughter was in her high chair snacking on dry cereal. She started crying and I looked over to see a Lucky Charm up each nostril. She learned her lesson, though.

  12. Smeg
    Posted March 3, 2010 at 5:33 pm | Permalink

    I once lodged a small piece of lego (the flat circular dot one) into my nostril. I’d put one in both as I thought it looked funny, but only one came out. I was maybe 6 at the time.

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted March 3, 2010 at 5:58 pm | Permalink

      So, did the other one ever come out? Or do you have a rogue Lego roaming around your body?

  13. Pyrenze
    Posted March 8, 2010 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

    When my brother was about 5 he put the lid from the bubble bath in his mouth…and it was shaped like Bullwinkle the moose, with big antlers on each side. Which were stuck in his cheeks. Didn’t think Mom would ever get it out but she did. After crying and screaming a lot. Mom, not my brother.

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted March 9, 2010 at 10:09 am | Permalink

      I’m laughing so hard at this, even though I shouldn’t! Poor Mom!!

  14. Katee
    Posted March 20, 2010 at 12:55 pm | Permalink

    when i was i think threee years old i was walking to my car with my mom after preschool and i found two rock on the ground that were the perfect size for my nose….so i decided to shove them up there. my mom kept telling me to blow but i apparantly didnt no the meaning of blow so i kept sucking in…when i got to the ER i sneezed them out onto my moms shoe…thhey still made me see a doctor but im sure they just actually wanted money…HAHA

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted March 22, 2010 at 8:50 am | Permalink

      HA! Another rocks-up-the-nose person! I don’t know what fascinates kids so much about stuffing things in body cavities!!


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