In Defense of Pain

I’ve been in pain for about 17 years now. It started with a bout of lower back pain when I was in my mid-twenties. I went to my primary care physician, who took an x-ray, said nothing was wrong, and prescribed muscle relaxers (gotta love modern medicine). A while later, I suffered constant jaw pain for a month or two, and then it mysteriously vanished.

The back pain became worse and constant during my first pregnancy. Because I was extremely vain and so freaked out about gaining weight, I worked out pretty much every day until well into my 8th month, until my back just couldn’t take it anymore. After my first son was born, I finally went to see a pain specialist, where I received multiple trigger point injections on a weekly basis, and did physical therapy three times a week. These treatments helped, up to a point. After that, the doctors basically said there was nothing else they could do. They were stumped.

As the years went by, I lived in a constant cycle of just dealing with the pain for few months or years, and then getting fed up and going to another new doctor, trying another new drug or alternative therapy.  After a visit to a rheumatologist seven or eight years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

My saving grace has been chiropractic care, the treatment that’s given me the most consistent relief over the years. But again, every doctor could only get me to a certain point. Several of them, my present chiropractor included, have told me that my pain must be serving me in some way, for me to be holding onto it for so long.

At first, I was offended by this statement. Were they suggesting that I was keeping this pain around for a reason? Because that’s ridiculous! Why would anyone want to stay in pain? But gradually I came to understand that people do hold onto pain for whatever reason, to get love or attention, to feel alive, etc. But I couldn’t for the life of me figure out my reason. I’m a very happy person, with very few struggles in life, so why would I need to hold onto the pain?

The answer hit me upside the head a few weeks ago, while watching the movie The Living Matrix (a must-see movie, in my humble opinion). I realized that my pain had taken me on a truly magical journey, one filled with wonderful people, vast amounts of research and a great quest for knowledge. Each chapter in this Book of Pain led me further down a path of self-discovery.

Through many different channels (which I will elaborate on in another post), I’ve come to the conclusion that my calling, my destiny, my purpose is to help others to heal their pain. Suffice it to say that I’ve never felt called to do anything before, and this is certainly something I can’t ignore. So, I’m in the process of gathering the knowledge, the training and the tools to do this.

So my pain? Is inconsequential at the moment. If it keeps me going where I need to go, I will embrace it. But something tells me it won’t be around much longer.  😉

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10 Comments

  1. Posted July 7, 2010 at 3:49 am | Permalink

    Wow. what an amazing epiphany and what an even more amazing course of action. Good for you. As for me, I wonder why I hold onto all of the crap I hold onto. Probably because I am practicing to be a bag lady one day….

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:39 am | Permalink

      You’d sure be a cute bag lady! But I seriously doubt that’s where you’re headed. 😉

  2. Posted July 7, 2010 at 1:43 pm | Permalink

    That’s how I feel about my past. That’s actually how I feel about ALL of my issues. I’ve been able to help so many other people that I can hardly be mad that I’ve been through such things.

    What a terrific realization that is. xoxo

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:39 am | Permalink

      You help SO many people, just by being YOU!

  3. Posted July 9, 2010 at 3:08 am | Permalink

    That’s amazing. And what a wonderful plan.

    (I’m processing this still, wondering if there’s something in it about my occasional relapses into depression.)

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted July 9, 2010 at 9:19 am | Permalink

      Thanks!! I know, it’s hard to delve in to stuff like that. Actually now that I think about it, I remember Tony Robbins talking to a woman with depression (on a recording I was listening to). I need to go back and listen to that to remember what he said, but it helped her tremendously!

  4. Posted July 20, 2010 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    Wow, very interesting. And I love Mwa’s comment… although I’m also a little afraid of thinking about it too much as well…

    • justmeandthevoices
      Posted July 20, 2010 at 11:16 am | Permalink

      I know! It’s really hard to think that you’re holding on to something as negatively perceived as pain. But it does serve a purpose in some way or another. Finding it is the hard part! 🙂

  5. Posted August 8, 2011 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    Hey girl, how are you? Long rime no see! I’ve moved house, to a new webhome, it’ll be up soon. Hope you are well. Just stumbled upon your lonely twitter. 😦
    EeBee (formerly of pan /de/monium)

  6. Posted February 22, 2013 at 9:19 am | Permalink

    Pretty! This was an extremely wonderful post. Thanks for supplying this information.


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